Oh my god I absolutely adore it. I've been replaying this like more than 5 times I think. 3 times for the new updates (gotta love how you added the lore and fleshed out the world, really love the way each and everything breathes of life) and 2 and more times just to see the way each choices affect the dialogue, I love the customization we have aaaaaa
Not only that, but my very first Romance route being Asriel?? HELP I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM. Especially when you let your partner take initiative, I was kicking, screaming, and blushing everytime Asriel opened his dumb mouth and suffering from how hot my cheeks felt! NOT ONLY THAT BUT I JUST CHOSE CHOCOLATE DRINK BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DRINK AND WHEN ASRIEL MADE THAT COMMENT *dies*
*revives* Oh yeah and also, the way you're able to write the more grim and dark aspects of Frisk's life?? Holy shit it was amazing, the sounds were paired well and there was a genuine sense of tension and worry. I cannot begin to explain how I absolutely adore (and shit my pants) when I see a sequence commence. Thank god for Frisk's ability to reset unconsciously.
Looking forward to the next Chapter!! Visibly shaking and crying I adore Asriel but also that dream tho?? Hehehehe--
Yay! I'm so glad you like it, thank you so dang much for replaying it.
I was so worried that the lore would be too much of a chore to read, I'm relieved you didn't find that the case.
Asriel is such a good monster to love! He's so sweet.
YES! Being able to initiate or be initiated on is such an important preference, I really wanted to include it here since a big portion of this game is about the relationships. Special dialogue options unlock for each Love Interest depending on some of your preferences - or even apartment decor. I'm delighted someone found the chocolate milk one.
I'm looking forward to your reaction to the next chapter. :p
I finished the draft yesterday, I'll start editing it in a few days. :)
Omg I'm so excited!! Goodluck with the development! Looking forward to the chaos and mess! (Also when Asriel nearly said we were his Soulmate?? Please, I was so damn flustered)
I’m checking through the text again and I was wondering if you could share the whole thing with me so I could make grammatical changes or suggestions more easily.
There are a few nit-picky changes like adding commas and hyphens. Also a few times when you used the wrong tense.
Porcelain was spelled porcelian in the customization page and continues throughout the story.
On the “A cool breeze” page Subtle was spelled sublte.
On the Your favorite color is____ page if you pick a short hair style there’s a typo saying “easy it is take care of.” instead of “it is easy to take care of.”
If you pick to be a singer it says : You have a voice of angel and there needs to be a ‘an’.
On the Ebbot City hasn’t changed page, street lights needs to be streetlights, you need a the in front of the word mafia, and orphanges needs to be spelled orphanages.
(There’s a few more so far but I haven’t had time to make sure I write them all down so I’ll need a bit more time. I hope this helps!;^;)
I've been trying to do an export of the file from twine but it keeps crashing. I'm still looking into it, as I really do appreciate the offer.
Porcelain has been corrected.
Sublte --> subtle
easy it is -- > it is easy to
an added
street lights --> streetlights
orphanges --> orphanages
door bell --> doorbell
discont --> discount
Thank you so so much for pointing this out! I'll keep looking on a way to export without the lines of code getting in the way of the draft. I really aprpeciate your help!
Thank you so much!!! Until then I’ll just do my best to keep track of where everything is. I try to write down which path I’m on, along with which choices I choose that’ll change the wording of said path. I absolutely adore your work and would love to take any load of your shoulders I can. Twine is a bitch to use for me so I gave up on it, but I’m proud of you for continuing to make awesome things with it!
I really enjoyed the underfell game as well as mafiafell one, I really like the way you manage to "illustrate" the characters in a manner that they change how they think or feel and their characteristics are not exaggerated. KEEP IT UP BUDDIE UR WRITTING SKILLS ARE AWESOME
I finished your underfell game, very well written, wonderful world building, excellent portrayal of the characters. I don't usually play text based games and I expected nothing but edge and angst out of something related to underfell but you surprised me and did a great job on it. I've just finished chapter 4 of this game and can safely say I love this one so far, I am waiting patiently for chapter 5. Good job and good luck.
Hi,i found quite the amount of errors in one of the dreams.I went through the fem. Route first,so i‘ll post more if i find some on the other gender routes.
I am currently working on making a comic about this game but i‘m a bit confused w/ how tall Daisy is… is she 5‘8 ft or a bit taller because my Frisk is that height 😅
ummmm, sans or gaster. but i think sans might be an easier one too start with. but i think you should start with the character you want too start with! have fun.
I realy like your games, i hope youll continue making undertale based ones. of course i only want you to do it if its fun and somting you like doing, but i become realy happy when i see that youve updated the game, it makes my day better. i hope your haveing a good day. sorry for the bad speling im not an english speaker and i dont know how to make the upwords dot. i truly love your works, and sorry if its weird but i love you in an admiering way, becouse i love interactive fiction and i look everyday to see if the games i like have updated.
Thank you!! And yes, I plan to keep making games for so long as I have the willpower haha. I'm very fond of the UT fandom and want to contribute as much as I can.
Your english is perfectly fine, I understand you well.
Thank you thank you for your kind words. :) I hope you will enjoy my future games / updates!
I kind of have the bad feeling that our search of Lawrence will end with us finding out that he has already died and looking for him was useless from the start…
Who else thinks that the music during our memory dreams of Lawrence sounds at one point a bit like „this is what falling in love feels like“ from JVKE ?
I am glad that you give yourself more time for the updates and some breaks like i asked from you in the first coment of this game.I‘m proud of what you‘ve acomplished so far!Look at you go 😊
Can the male version also get to sing on stage?Becuz some guys also have nice singing voices and i think it would be nice to let‘em have the chance 😅
(I‘m playing this game daily btw and i think i‘ve got addicted to it by now.I can‘t stop myself from reading anymore and almost got my phone taken away because i read this during lunch break if it weren‘t for my acting skills from drama club LOL 😅🥲)
Hihi!! Nice to see you again! Hope you had a nice week!! Typos I found for chapter 4:
- Page starts with "You squint at what you have done." When choosing why you want to paint your nails, there's a bunch of options that seem incomplete. "You like to stay up to date with the trends. You are decently popular despite your", "You have little desire to be". There's a period missing at the end of the "You don't want to stand out" option as well.
- Same page, passage starts with "The girls at school have pristine nails. " In the last line, it's your instead of you're.
- Page starts with "You enter the Black Swan." I think it's were instead of are in the "You sometimes wish there are windows in the Black Swan" but I'm not sure tbh. English is not my first language so I struggle a bit with grammar sometimes D:
OMG SANS' DATE GOT ME GIGGLING AND STUFF LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Wonderful chapter, as always! Also, good luck with making your game!! <3
An excellent update! I'm loving the clues system and sniffing them down. I'm also VERY intrigued by the new oddities introduced with Asriel, and eager to see what they're building up to. Papyrus, meanwhile, continues to be a steadfast sweetheart... which only has me wondering when we'll see him being dangerous. Great work!
I've been rounding up issues I note through the chapters to try and help keep everything to one fell swoop of error sweeping; I'll be posting it in a follow up comment.
Continuity: CHP2 - On any route but the Sans route, both Sans and Ralsei end up including the note about monsters being large, leading to repetition.
CHP3 - At the beginning of the chapter, it says you grab your blankets and pillow (singular) off the bed, but when the shootout starts the pillow is on the bed. (This is extremely nitpicky, but I figure I'd put it down anyway!)
- In Papyrus' scene in Sans' route, he's described as 'familiar', but the MC didn't see Papyrus before this because they went out the back while trying to avoid Sans.
CHP4 - The music queue from the night jog scene doesn't transition properly in Papyrus' and Wingding's routes.
Typos & writing suggestions: CHP1 "Ebott City is the second largest cities in the country." "It's not ever quiet at night" -> never "You're on the seventh floor and there is no fire escapeon this side of the building" "You never touched the basket, yet somehow your in first spring here" "On the wind you catch the sublte floral scent of your roses" "The skyscrapers block [...] you even lose site of Mt. Ebott in the back." -> sight "They reach high in the sky with their acromatic colors" -> achromatic "They run the Fell Kingdom and are the largest supplies of magic crystals in all of Delta." -> supplier "They have a kind of uniform-all members where a black suit hat" -> wear "Each window a different a light" -> remove an a
CHP2 "She is a tall woman who laughs with her whole body and has many wrinkles on her tauny skin" -> tawny
"He's the bartender for the dayshift, whereas your the bartender for the evening shift." "Don't don't your heart, Frisk." "As a monster, you know he could be dangers, but when you look at him you feel no threat."
CHP3 "What're workin' on?" he asks. -> forgot 'you' "You crack a small smile You'd love to." -> missing period
"You ask him if he'd be okay to wait for you to get changed—you camere here to run."
"The waiters wear a long-sleeved white shirt dress" -> dress shirt "A shiver a fear slides down your spine." "Someone in the biulding stole it, or... destroyed it?" "What's it matter?" he asks with a frown when he notices your expression. -> should be "what's the matter"
; "what's it matter" would be more appropriate if he already knew what the problem was and was dismissing it
CHP4 "Mister Scott clearly needed someome to talk to"
"You pass many people in street" -> forgot 'the' "You skimmy through it" "You turn to the voice [...] crimson eyelights in a black sockets." -> remove the a "Along with fervor desire." -> should be fervent
I love you for this. I'll keep making fixes when I get back from work, but I really really want to convey how grateful I am that you took the time out of your day to help me with this. Truly and sincerely thank you!
Thank you! I'm happy you like the Clue system, it's been fun to figure out how to get it to work and coming up with things to sprinkle in. I'm still on the fence if I want to keep doing the "Your clues have been updated" every time a clue is added, or if I should remove it and leave it up to the player.
I have every intentions of adding an interlude from the monsters' perspective, so perhaps you'll get to see Papyrus getting dangerous there!
In my opinion, if you're gonna have a clues page, I think the clue notif should stay! It prompts the player to check out their clues regularly and see what's changed; without the notif, it'd be easy to completely overlook the clues page. Players can still ignore it regardless, but having the notif helps lead the eye in a sense, especially for those actively interested in deeper knowledge of the game's world.
If you want to strike a balance between clarity and mystery, you could change the notif text into something more subtle. Something like 'You should remember that.' would toe that line. (That's just an example, of course; if you do change it up, feel free to make it something else and keep it a secret ;) )
Actually, checking out the clues system brought me to another error:
CHP3 - "You have some time before work.": If you check the clues page after picking one of the paths, returning to the game causes it to act as if you'd picked two paths and forces you to head to work.
The new chapter and improvements you‘ve done are fucking awesome!Did you compose the music?It is great af XD!The scenes with Lawrence were so cute and- and th-the descriptions were sooooo great!I was so scared when the music turned so horrific while watching the kidnapping of the poor men across our apartment and while running for dear life in the middle of the night!It gave me goose bumps!We need more of this!!!!!XD
THank you!! Nope, the music is credited in the disclaimer at the start of the game. All of it is royalty free music that I found.
I love writing the scenes with Lawrence! I especially had fun in the last chapter since I got to write different scenes for each of the character's gender.
Hahaha I'm both sorry and happy that the music scared you.
Yaayy another update from my fav developer! I just loved Ch4 with it's cute elements like the fun yet passionate date with Sans and the bonding time we got with "Ralsei", everything just fit perfectly together.Especially when you consider the short time it took you to create this. I'm already extremely excited for the next Chapter that's coming up, good luck and don't overwork yourself!
hehe thank you! Writing the different tones between Sans & "Ralsei" gave me whiplash in the first drafts.
Each update I try to also add a little more description / fluidity to the previous chapters. I know I get the chapters out quick, so I want to make sure by the time the full game is finished all the chapters feel padded and fleshed out.
I was wondering if you could use a more gender neutral term for the non-binary player, when it says “people find you handsome” you could instead make it “people find you attractive” or something along those lines?
Around the time it was pretty common for men and women alike to be called handsome, so it could definitely work as a neutral ground. It was also used for women that fit the “Fem-fatal” statement.
Though I see where you’re coming from with attractive being a more generalized term!
Hi ! Loving this game so far, but I found a bug. In chapter two, if mc is a woman, we can't continue the game if we choose the option "nice clothes"(or smth like that). Says gender's not defined. Tried with another option and it worked :).
I have played your "If - Underfell" Game and I absolutely loved it. I checked your page and I'm glad I did, Because I found this Awesome game. I love the fact (even tho currently limited) That you can choose anyone to date or be friends with. I also love the fact that you, the player, can customize the mc, In general I love playing this game, I can tell that I will come back to this game a lot when I'm Bored. I'm also very interested to see how you make these games and I'm interested to see if you will make more of these games, Because I absolutely love them. Keep up the good work <3.
back for more of your absolutely wonderful work. and, yet again, i am after the weird skeleton man, surprise surprise. i love the story so far, always been a fan of mafia centered stories and shows. i'm so excited to see what you continue to do with this <3 keep yourself well and thank you for what you do !!
After finishing Underfell I decided to try this game out and I'm very pleased with what I've seen so far. Papyrus has always been my favorite ever since Undertale so I'm very happy that I get to romance Papyrus in these games and I just love how the frisk is customizable and not just set for us. It's a very nice touch that I just adore. That's enough of my ranting(?) please take care of yourself and have a good day! :D
(papyrus is so cute in this btw, and I absolutely adore it!)
Yay on finishing Underfell!! Thank you so much for giving this game a shot!
I could never exclude the great Papyrus, he's too wonderful to write.
Everyone deserves a chance to put themselves in a fandom they love. I'll do my best to keep adding more and more options as my programming gets better so no one feels excluded. :)
(I think you'll enjoy his route, I have a lot of cute moments planned.)
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Papyrus:(Just being genuinely adorable and charming)
Me:(blushing intensely)How the FUCK can someone be this fucking cute and hot at the same time?!Argh!!(can‘t deal with cuteness at all)
Oh my god I absolutely adore it. I've been replaying this like more than 5 times I think. 3 times for the new updates (gotta love how you added the lore and fleshed out the world, really love the way each and everything breathes of life) and 2 and more times just to see the way each choices affect the dialogue, I love the customization we have aaaaaa
Not only that, but my very first Romance route being Asriel?? HELP I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM. Especially when you let your partner take initiative, I was kicking, screaming, and blushing everytime Asriel opened his dumb mouth and suffering from how hot my cheeks felt! NOT ONLY THAT BUT I JUST CHOSE CHOCOLATE DRINK BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DRINK AND WHEN ASRIEL MADE THAT COMMENT *dies*
*revives* Oh yeah and also, the way you're able to write the more grim and dark aspects of Frisk's life?? Holy shit it was amazing, the sounds were paired well and there was a genuine sense of tension and worry. I cannot begin to explain how I absolutely adore (and shit my pants) when I see a sequence commence. Thank god for Frisk's ability to reset unconsciously.
Looking forward to the next Chapter!! Visibly shaking and crying I adore Asriel but also that dream tho?? Hehehehe--
Yay! I'm so glad you like it, thank you so dang much for replaying it.
I was so worried that the lore would be too much of a chore to read, I'm relieved you didn't find that the case.
Asriel is such a good monster to love! He's so sweet.
YES! Being able to initiate or be initiated on is such an important preference, I really wanted to include it here since a big portion of this game is about the relationships. Special dialogue options unlock for each Love Interest depending on some of your preferences - or even apartment decor. I'm delighted someone found the chocolate milk one.
I'm looking forward to your reaction to the next chapter. :p
I finished the draft yesterday, I'll start editing it in a few days. :)
Thank you very kindly for your comment!
Omg I'm so excited!! Goodluck with the development! Looking forward to the chaos and mess! (
Also when Asriel nearly said we were his Soulmate?? Please, I was so damn flustered)I‘ve just realized that my Lawrence looks a LOT like an OC that i made half a year ago 😅 for example:
Lawrence=tall,kind,affectionate,short and neatly combed cinnamon hair,blue+brown eyes,smart,brave,ivory skin
Charles=tall,kind,affectionate,short and neatly combed cinnamon hair,blind on the left eye w/ scar,green eye,smart,brave,ivory skin
How did you make these!? Like what with? Cause I really want to make so many things but I don't know how or what website iS good :'(
I've seen all three and all of them are so GOOD btw!
Darkpetal16 uses Twine for these games
Twine - Sugarcube2. Install here: https://twinery.org/
I'm here to romance the goat
nice
Who else gets the feeling that Lawrence will be kinda overprotective of us if we choose to romance the skelletons?
sincerely he has a point why he is overprotective of us lol XD
Hell yeah he does LOL I’m preeetty sure that we will become a mafioso when choosing the boys XD
We‘re gonna get in sooooo much trouble hahahaha 🤣🤣
frr
yes but I love skeletons and he can do nothing about it
Fuck yeah ✊😆
This is the perfect combo of spice,cuteness,fear and passion.Good job 😌
thank you!
I’m checking through the text again and I was wondering if you could share the whole thing with me so I could make grammatical changes or suggestions more easily.
There are a few nit-picky changes like adding commas and hyphens. Also a few times when you used the wrong tense.
Porcelain was spelled porcelian in the customization page and continues throughout the story.
On the “A cool breeze” page Subtle was spelled sublte.
On the Your favorite color is____ page if you pick a short hair style there’s a typo saying “easy it is take care of.” instead of “it is easy to take care of.”
If you pick to be a singer it says : You have a voice of angel and there needs to be a ‘an’.
On the Ebbot City hasn’t changed page, street lights needs to be streetlights, you need a the in front of the word mafia, and orphanges needs to be spelled orphanages.
(There’s a few more so far but I haven’t had time to make sure I write them all down so I’ll need a bit more time. I hope this helps!;^;)
On “The door bell chimes” door bell needs to be doorbell, discont needs to be discount, tuany should be tawny, a was should be in front of broken.
I've been trying to do an export of the file from twine but it keeps crashing. I'm still looking into it, as I really do appreciate the offer.
Porcelain has been corrected.
Sublte --> subtle
easy it is -- > it is easy to
an added
street lights --> streetlights
orphanges --> orphanages
door bell --> doorbell
discont --> discount
Thank you so so much for pointing this out! I'll keep looking on a way to export without the lines of code getting in the way of the draft. I really aprpeciate your help!
Thank you so much!!! Until then I’ll just do my best to keep track of where everything is. I try to write down which path I’m on, along with which choices I choose that’ll change the wording of said path. I absolutely adore your work and would love to take any load of your shoulders I can. Twine is a bitch to use for me so I gave up on it, but I’m proud of you for continuing to make awesome things with it!
your work is as lovely as a sunset 🌅
thank you very kindly :)
i like the story a good game 10 / 10
thank you so much!
I really enjoyed the underfell game as well as mafiafell one, I really like the way you manage to "illustrate" the characters in a manner that they change how they think or feel and their characteristics are not exaggerated. KEEP IT UP BUDDIE UR WRITTING SKILLS ARE AWESOME
Thank you so much! I appreciate you playing and commenting, it really means a lot to me. These characters are very dear.
THANK YA! WILL DO! :D
I finished your underfell game, very well written, wonderful world building, excellent portrayal of the characters. I don't usually play text based games and I expected nothing but edge and angst out of something related to underfell but you surprised me and did a great job on it. I've just finished chapter 4 of this game and can safely say I love this one so far, I am waiting patiently for chapter 5. Good job and good luck.
-the the boy, pixelboii
Thank you!
Yes, UF is normally a pretty edgy-verse, so all the more reason for Frisk to not be edgy. :)
I'm grateful you're giving this game a shot, and I hope you enjoy chapter 5 when it comes out.
Hi,i found quite the amount of errors in one of the dreams.I went through the fem. Route first,so i‘ll post more if i find some on the other gender routes.
Hi! Thank you so much for pointing this out - I accidentally deleted a " when editing and didn't notice haha. It's fixed now.
Anytime😌.I‘m just glad to help you out :)
sorry to ask for an eye option again… but would you be ok with adding this?
(I‘m sorry if the pic looks creepy,the others were a lot more scary than it😓)
Hi! I'm not opposed to more eye color options, however more customization may need to wait until after the main game is finished. :)
cool 😊
A-also if it isn‘t too much to ask,could the player have a different instrumental wish like a harp?I have some severe trauma that involves piano…
I really don‘t wanna be a bother with all of my requests 🙁
Requests aren't bother, but I'm afraid any more extra customizations will have to wait until after the main game is finished.
Hope you have a nice day. :)
Am having a nice one and i understand.Thank you :)
I am currently working on making a comic about this game but i‘m a bit confused w/ how tall Daisy is… is she 5‘8 ft or a bit taller because my Frisk is that height 😅
when your done can you post a link or somthing?
Sure,i promise to post it since you asked so nicely:)
if Tumblr finally lets me make an account i’ll post it there 😊
also i didn‘t decide yet wich romance-route i am going to draw first so i‘m lettin‘ ya decide ;)
(It‘ll be black and white so that everyone can adjust it to their liking)
Choose wisely 😌
ummmm, sans or gaster. but i think sans might be an easier one too start with. but i think you should start with the character you want too start with! have fun.
It has been chosen.
Consider yourself lucky for usually i do not let others choose what i draw.I‘ll start right away 😊
Lookin' forward to the results!! :D
well thank you then! have a fun time making the comic, im sure it will be lovely.
Daisy is 5'11" without heels, but you can hc her height to be something easier for you to work with.
Thank you!Don‘t worry,i am up to the challenge! >:3
I realy like your games, i hope youll continue making undertale based ones. of course i only want you to do it if its fun and somting you like doing, but i become realy happy when i see that youve updated the game, it makes my day better. i hope your haveing a good day. sorry for the bad speling im not an english speaker and i dont know how to make the upwords dot. i truly love your works, and sorry if its weird but i love you in an admiering way, becouse i love interactive fiction and i look everyday to see if the games i like have updated.
Thank you!! And yes, I plan to keep making games for so long as I have the willpower haha. I'm very fond of the UT fandom and want to contribute as much as I can.
Your english is perfectly fine, I understand you well.
Thank you thank you for your kind words. :) I hope you will enjoy my future games / updates!
I know ill enjoy your future work! as long as you have passion for it im sure ill continue to play your games!
I kind of have the bad feeling that our search of Lawrence will end with us finding out that he has already died and looking for him was useless from the start…
That would be a downright tragedy. D:
Indeed.I sure hope he‘s ok cuz if there is even just a hair misplaced on my brother the whole city is gonna feel.My.Wrath! >:(
Uwuuuu, this is so gooood 🤤♥️
uwa thank you thank you~
Who else thinks that the music during our memory dreams of Lawrence sounds at one point a bit like „this is what falling in love feels like“ from JVKE ?
How do I continue into the next chapter with all my saved information
Save on the page which says "End Chapter #" and you should be able to pick up where you left off once the next update drops.
Please save a couple passages back. I delete the End chapter passages when I upload the new chapter.
Please save a couple passages back. I delete the End chapter passages when I upload the new chapter.
here‘s a cookie for your good work :)
It‘s choclatechip cookies 😊
Looks delicious, thank you!!
You are welcome and your content is loved ❤️😌
I am glad that you give yourself more time for the updates and some breaks like i asked from you in the first coment of this game.I‘m proud of what you‘ve acomplished so far!Look at you go 😊
I knew you could do it ✊😁
Can the male version also get to sing on stage?Becuz some guys also have nice singing voices and i think it would be nice to let‘em have the chance 😅
(I‘m playing this game daily btw and i think i‘ve got addicted to it by now.I can‘t stop myself from reading anymore and almost got my phone taken away because i read this during lunch break if it weren‘t for my acting skills from drama club LOL 😅🥲)
Maybe it can be added after the main game is complete,
Haha I'm glad you like my story so much, thank you for playing it!
I meant like as a job at the black swan from the start haha 😅
Hihi!! Nice to see you again! Hope you had a nice week!!
Typos I found for chapter 4:
- Page starts with "You squint at what you have done." When choosing why you want to paint your nails, there's a bunch of options that seem incomplete. "You like to stay up to date with the trends. You are decently popular despite your", "You have little desire to be". There's a period missing at the end of the "You don't want to stand out" option as well.
- Same page, passage starts with "The girls at school have pristine nails. " In the last line, it's your instead of you're.
- Page starts with "You enter the Black Swan." I think it's were instead of are in the "You sometimes wish there are windows in the Black Swan" but I'm not sure tbh. English is not my first language so I struggle a bit with grammar sometimes D:
OMG SANS' DATE GOT ME GIGGLING AND STUFF LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Wonderful chapter, as always! Also, good luck with making your game!! <3
- This one I will have to look into a bit more, as it works on my end so I'm wondering if it's a technical issue with exporting.
- you're --> your
- reworded the entire sentence to You sometimes wish Black Swan had windows
>:D Yes! All the giggles for the Sansy date! Thank you so much for your help again!!
i love papyrus he is so cute and i love this game too ❤️
You do too?I‘m glad to find another person with the same passion for the tall skelleton XD❤️
he is such a cute gentleman 😊
should i draw a human that anybody can change to their liking/Frisk with Papy?I am thinking about it ngl
It should say "Uh, actually I'm painting a picture of me and my brother"
That's a funny mistake. It's fixed now and will be reflected in the next update. Thank you for your help!
An excellent update! I'm loving the clues system and sniffing them down. I'm also VERY intrigued by the new oddities introduced with Asriel, and eager to see what they're building up to. Papyrus, meanwhile, continues to be a steadfast sweetheart... which only has me wondering when we'll see him being dangerous. Great work!
I've been rounding up issues I note through the chapters to try and help keep everything to one fell swoop of error sweeping; I'll be posting it in a follow up comment.
Continuity:
CHP2
- On any route but the Sans route, both Sans and Ralsei end up including the note about monsters being large, leading to repetition.
CHP3
- At the beginning of the chapter, it says you grab your blankets and pillow (singular) off the bed, but when the shootout starts the pillow is on the bed. (This is extremely nitpicky, but I figure I'd put it down anyway!)
- In Papyrus' scene in Sans' route, he's described as 'familiar', but the MC didn't see Papyrus before this because they went out the back while trying to avoid Sans.
CHP4
- The music queue from the night jog scene doesn't transition properly in Papyrus' and Wingding's routes.
Typos & writing suggestions:
CHP1
"Ebott City is the second largest cities in the country."
"It's not ever quiet at night" -> never
"You're on the seventh floor and there is no fire escapeon this side of the building"
"You never touched the basket, yet somehow your in first spring here"
"On the wind you catch the sublte floral scent of your roses"
"The skyscrapers block [...] you even lose site of Mt. Ebott in the back." -> sight
"They reach high in the sky with their acromatic colors" -> achromatic
"They run the Fell Kingdom and are the largest supplies of magic crystals in all of Delta." -> supplier
"They have a kind of uniform-all members where a black suit hat" -> wear
"Each window a different a light" -> remove an a
CHP2
"She is a tall woman who laughs with her whole body and has many wrinkles on her tauny skin" -> tawny
"He's the bartender for the dayshift, whereas your the bartender for the evening shift."
"Don't don't your heart, Frisk."
"As a monster, you know he could be dangers, but when you look at him you feel no threat."
CHP3
"What're workin' on?" he asks. -> forgot 'you'
"You crack a small smile You'd love to." -> missing period
"You ask him if he'd be okay to wait for you to get changed—you camere here to run."
"The waiters wear a long-sleeved white shirt dress" -> dress shirt
"A shiver a fear slides down your spine."
"Someone in the biulding stole it, or... destroyed it?"
"What's it matter?" he asks with a frown when he notices your expression. -> should be "what's the matter" ; "what's it matter" would be more appropriate if he already knew what the problem was and was dismissing it
CHP4
"Mister Scott clearly needed someome to talk to"
"You pass many people in street" -> forgot 'the'
"You skimmy through it"
"You turn to the voice [...] crimson eyelights in a black sockets." -> remove the a
"Along with fervor desire." -> should be fervent
Continuity
CHP2
-Amended repetition.
CHP3
-Amended to "you grab your blankets and one of your pillows off the bed" so it makes sense to find one pillow still on the bed.
-OOO Really good catch. I've added a separation in this chapter now depending on if the player was on Sans route.
CHP4
-Added in the loop music to the passages. Will do a couple more tests to make sure it works.
Typos & writing suggestions:
CHP1
-cities --> city
-not ever --> never
-escapeon --> escape on
-your in --> in your
- sublte --> subtle
- site --> sight
- acromatic --> achromatic
- supplies --> suppliers
- where --> wear
- removed extra a
I love you for this. I'll keep making fixes when I get back from work, but I really really want to convey how grateful I am that you took the time out of your day to help me with this. Truly and sincerely thank you!
Typos & writing suggestions:
CHP2
tauny --> tawny
your --> you're
dayshift --> day shift
don't --> doubt
dangers --> dangerous
CHP3
added ya
added period
camere --> came
a --> of
-biulding --> building
it --> the
CH4
someome --> someone
added the
skimmy --> shimmy
removed a
fervor --> fervent
OOoo Thank you thank you thank you! This has been very very helpful.
Thank you! I'm happy you like the Clue system, it's been fun to figure out how to get it to work and coming up with things to sprinkle in. I'm still on the fence if I want to keep doing the "Your clues have been updated" every time a clue is added, or if I should remove it and leave it up to the player.
I have every intentions of adding an interlude from the monsters' perspective, so perhaps you'll get to see Papyrus getting dangerous there!
Thank you thank you! I'll take a looksie now.
In my opinion, if you're gonna have a clues page, I think the clue notif should stay! It prompts the player to check out their clues regularly and see what's changed; without the notif, it'd be easy to completely overlook the clues page. Players can still ignore it regardless, but having the notif helps lead the eye in a sense, especially for those actively interested in deeper knowledge of the game's world.
If you want to strike a balance between clarity and mystery, you could change the notif text into something more subtle. Something like 'You should remember that.' would toe that line. (That's just an example, of course; if you do change it up, feel free to make it something else and keep it a secret ;) )
Actually, checking out the clues system brought me to another error:
CHP3
- "You have some time before work.": If you check the clues page after picking one of the paths, returning to the game causes it to act as if you'd picked two paths and forces you to head to work.
The new chapter and improvements you‘ve done are fucking awesome!Did you compose the music?It is great af XD!The scenes with Lawrence were so cute and- and th-the descriptions were sooooo great!I was so scared when the music turned so horrific while watching the kidnapping of the poor men across our apartment and while running for dear life in the middle of the night!It gave me goose bumps!We need more of this!!!!!XD
THank you!! Nope, the music is credited in the disclaimer at the start of the game. All of it is royalty free music that I found.
I love writing the scenes with Lawrence! I especially had fun in the last chapter since I got to write different scenes for each of the character's gender.
Hahaha I'm both sorry and happy that the music scared you.
Yaayy another update from my fav developer! I just loved Ch4 with it's cute elements like the fun yet passionate date with Sans and the bonding time we got with "Ralsei", everything just fit perfectly together.Especially when you consider the short time it took you to create this. I'm already extremely excited for the next Chapter that's coming up, good luck and don't overwork yourself!
(〃ﾉωﾉ)
hehe thank you! Writing the different tones between Sans & "Ralsei" gave me whiplash in the first drafts.
Each update I try to also add a little more description / fluidity to the previous chapters. I know I get the chapters out quick, so I want to make sure by the time the full game is finished all the chapters feel padded and fleshed out.
Thank you for your comment & for playing my game!
I was wondering if you could use a more gender neutral term for the non-binary player, when it says “people find you handsome” you could instead make it “people find you attractive” or something along those lines?
Hello!
I can definitely look into that for future conversations. :)
Thank you :]
Around the time it was pretty common for men and women alike to be called handsome, so it could definitely work as a neutral ground. It was also used for women that fit the “Fem-fatal” statement. Though I see where you’re coming from with attractive being a more generalized term!
the first game was amazing!! i have high hopes for this one!
Thank you so much! I'll do my best :D
the first time you mention the Black Swan you accidentally put the Black Swam
Oh, also what program do you use to make your games?
asked that earlier already.They/He/she use(s) Twine :)
Thank you!!!!
You‘re welcome 😊
Also there’s another typo on Asriels route where he says Gerat instead of great.
Oo, got that one fixed now. It will reflect in the ch5 update. Thank you very much for letting me know.
At the beginning of Papyrus’ route, the word orange is spelled range.
Oh thank you very much for letting me know! I've fixed this now so it will reflect in the ch5 update.
Thank you! I found & fixed that. And yes I use Twine, SugarCube2. :)
Hi ! Loving this game so far, but I found a bug. In chapter two, if mc is a woman, we can't continue the game if we choose the option "nice clothes"(or smth like that). Says gender's not defined. Tried with another option and it worked :).
Hi! Thank you so much for playing & reporting the bug. I've fixed it now so it will work okay in the chapter 5 update.
I have played your "If - Underfell" Game and I absolutely loved it. I checked your page and I'm glad I did, Because I found this Awesome game. I love the fact (even tho currently limited) That you can choose anyone to date or be friends with. I also love the fact that you, the player, can customize the mc, In general I love playing this game, I can tell that I will come back to this game a lot when I'm Bored. I'm also very interested to see how you make these games and I'm interested to see if you will make more of these games, Because I absolutely love them. Keep up the good work <3.
Thank you so much for checking this game out! I'm so grateful you like my games. I hope you enjoy the future updates. :)
When will the next update come out?(i love this so much)
Planning it for next weekend. If I finish sooner then before then. :)
I am waiting as patiently as i can but just the thougt of reading the new chapter makes me as excited as a child on a friday before summer break
back for more of your absolutely wonderful work. and, yet again, i am after the weird skeleton man, surprise surprise. i love the story so far, always been a fan of mafia centered stories and shows. i'm so excited to see what you continue to do with this <3 keep yourself well and thank you for what you do !!
Thank you so much for comin' back! :D
They are very good skelly men. They deserve all the love!
I hope you like what I have in store, I adore this 'verse and I've had a lot of fun planning what's ahead.
Thank you! Please do take care of yourself too! 😊
After finishing Underfell I decided to try this game out and I'm very pleased with what I've seen so far. Papyrus has always been my favorite ever since Undertale so I'm very happy that I get to romance Papyrus in these games and I just love how the frisk is customizable and not just set for us. It's a very nice touch that I just adore. That's enough of my ranting(?) please take care of yourself and have a good day! :D
(papyrus is so cute in this btw, and I absolutely adore it!)
Yay on finishing Underfell!! Thank you so much for giving this game a shot!
I could never exclude the great Papyrus, he's too wonderful to write.
Everyone deserves a chance to put themselves in a fandom they love. I'll do my best to keep adding more and more options as my programming gets better so no one feels excluded. :)
(I think you'll enjoy his route, I have a lot of cute moments planned.)
╰(✿´⌣`✿)╯♡ Take care of yourself!
Papy is such a gentleman i‘m blushing (///0-0///)
Papy is suave in every fell'verse and he is a gentleman in every verse period. I refuse to believe otherwise!